Words Cannot Describe It

"Words can't describe how I'm feeling." Really? Well if you're not Pablo Picasso, you'd better find some words or we'll never know what the hell is going on. How did we get to the point where when the largest events happen, great or tragic, we react with such appreciative amazement when someone says, "Words can't describe what I saw"? No words at all for it, eh? Wow, that must have been something else... We shouldn't appreciate that, we should be infuriated.

This empty, canned, meaningless phrase has suddenly become our paramount superlative. When seemingly nothing is left, people default to "can't describe it." Is it that we can't or that we won't? It's either pathetic lack of vocabulary, i.e. complete idiocy, or sheer laziness. "Why should I think of what to say? You figure it out."

People even use it in romantic terms. "Words cannot express what I'm feeling." But words just expressed that you're a verbally impotent, slack moron.

I'm going to apply for a job at Hallmark, and on my first day on the job I'm going to blow everyone's minds by creating the quintessential, universal, unstoppable predator of greeting cards, and then I'll leave them to ponder my greatness. Upon opening my card, it will read: "Words cannot describe what I'm feeling." Done. I'm out.

Mine will be the greatest selling greeting card of all time because the people who are shopping for greeting cards already have no ability to think/say/speak/write for themselves or are too lazy to even give it a shot, and they are so enamored with the "beyond words" poetic illusion which rationalizes their ineptitude that they'll scoop up my card to perpetuate the circle-of-ignorance that is strangling our country.

The typical receiver of such hogwash will close the card, hold it up against his/her chest as a tear falls away from under eye and think to themselves, "I have no real idea what that means. But at least he/she spent $2 and licked an envelope."

(Yes, I anticipate receiving no birthday cards this year now.)

With an anniversary of 9/11 coming up, I know once again I'm going to be watching important, reverent documentaries full of videotaped on-the-street interviews with people, eyewitnesses to history, who will be giving the ol' "words can't describe it" to the historic record. I would rather hear someone say, "Thing go boom," or, "I'll get back to you on that" than, "Words couldn't describe it."

Many of you know that I was a high school English teacher for several years. For some of those years I taught English as a Second Language. I realize now that after teaching some of the initial basics, "yes, no, stop, go, please, thank you, my name is..." I should have taught "Words can't describe it." It's called assimilation.

Beyond that, I spent four years of evenings teaching the Verbal half of SAT prep classes in the South Bay. Why was I wasting my time when the key to brilliance and depth would soon become "Word cannot describe what I'm thinking"?

I've hit the wall. Words cannot describe my frustration.