• Why Can't We Hire Keira Knightley?

21 year old actress Keira Knightley (all three “Pirates of the Caribbean“’s) has announced that she’s taking time off to “get her life back.” Her life, I figure, must be something other than “working” while being tremendously wealthy and famous. It has always been her instinct, she says, to take every single acting role that came along for fear that there never would be another to follow. Very true to life for anyone in Hollywood. But I do wonder in what period of her life she has experienced such fearful downtime to substantiate that restless work ethic? She is phenomenally beautiful, a genetic masterpiece at a cross between Winona Ryder and Natalie Portman, and has worked consistently since she was 8 years old. If she is insecure about work, then how the hell am I supposed to feel about my virtual non-existence, my almost science-fiction-worthy lack of opportunity in Hollywood against which I have to beg and fight and scratch in every creative (and sometimes shameful) way possible? Even stooping to the level of writing a blog…

Keira says that if by taking this time off she ends up “at the back of the line,” then so be it. Keira Knightley is not in any “line” except for the Can-we-get-Keira-Knightley? line. As if controlling the wrinkle in time - even if she’s at the back of that line, she’s still at the front of that line.

I don’t begrudge anyone in Hollywood taking time off. But when you have gotten to the level of success that you can choose the time off rather than have those painful stretches of non-employment choosing you (or being socially forced into Rehab), then I resent your PR manager feeding the story to the networks and magazines as if you may be sacrificing something. For most of the world, “time off” is one or two weeks annual vacation approved resentfully by upper management with piles of work waiting for you the second that you return from your stealing-time-from-the-company-week (and we’d appreciate if you’d check your email twice daily). That’s during a career which is usually spiced up with at least a couple of stinging layoffs.

At 21 - rich, famous, and beautiful with a lifetime of almost incalculable residuals to come, Keira can safely “get her life back” for the next 70 years or so and never have to furrow her her wonderfully symmetric, lusciously think eyebrows with worry. Yes, I like thick-ish, bold eyebrows. I don’t know why Pam Anderson and the like shave theirs down to the thinness of a strand of DNA when strong eyebrows like Keira’s add so much contrast and interest to the facial structure. But I digress and reveal personal weakness. She got me. She’s in my mind’s eye even when she’s taking time off to get her life back. Darn it. I want my life back, but I just can’t get the time off.